The Best Laid Plans of Mice and Men...

But, Mousie, thou art no thy lane,
In proving foresight may be vain;
The best-laid schemes o' mice an 'men
Gang aft agley,
An'lea'e us nought but grief an' pain,
For promis'd joy!

Still thou art blest, compar'd wi' me
The present only toucheth thee:
But, Och! I backward cast my e'e.
On prospects drear!
An' forward, tho' I canna see,
I guess an' fear!

Feb 5th, all was right with the world.  Feb 6th, we had our visit with our social worker to update our soon-expiring homestudy.  Feb 7th, I was calling for prayer!  How quick and unsuspecting a little piece of news (or a plow) can change things.  Where your focus is on your future plans, now it drastically takes a turn to the here-and-the-now!  Survival becomes the only thing you can deal with.  Emotionally drained and unbelievably fearful, we began to fight to save all we have known to be true, and even there did questions arise.  Like a tornado spinning out of control...but did we even see storm clouds?  I don't think I saw them.  I was only seeing blue sky and then BAM!  What the enemy hit us with knocked us both for a loop.  But Jesus stepped in and picked us up.  Slowly, He has dusted us off, and we are again proceeding to the finish line, slowly, surely, when BAM!!!  Another hit, but this time it was supposed friendly fire!  Hmmmm...Houston, I think we have a problem!  But you know what?  This time, I refuse to fall... see the first hit taught me a lesson!  Jesus is standing by my side!  He has strengthened me into a strong, Christ-dependent woman!  I will not give heed to fear, nor to doubt!  I will stand my ground and fight for what I know God has promised!  I will not be moved by this attack.  I will stand knowing Jesus has my back.  He is my shield and my strong tower, He is my strength, my hope, my deliverer!  I'm hanging onto the Rock, and the Rock is hanging onto me!!!  He never lets go!

Still chomping...

So, all of the paperwork is done for our updated home study!  FBI Fingerprint results are back...just need to copy and send all of the originals to New Beginnings.  Olevia will be here tomorrow at 4 for the required visit to complete the update and then just wait for the Home Study to be reissued.  This process has been fairly quick!  (Gee, I think that's a first!)
We had a surprise when we got home today from my parents.  I took the dogs out for a walk and found 5 adorable puppies in our pasture.  No idea where they came from.  Asked a few neighbors, but no one is claiming them.  Anyone want a really adorable dog?  Looks like they have been well cared for and they are very clean.  One in particular loves to snuggle at your neck...ok, might have to keep that one!  Rita and Lera want a dog they can train.  Of course, we have Max, but he's about 7 and set in his ways.  Then there is Bella, but she is more 'my' dog I've been informed.  So, I've got 4 pups to give away...unless I can find the owner.  Can't afford 5 more dogs!
We have skyped all weekend with Rita and Lera.  Their Foster Mom also facebooked me to let me know that the girls have 'agreed to endure each other' for adoption.  They really are close, but I think the little green monster raises it ugly head as they are vying for their position in our family.  Rita said she would like to go to Vet Camp but Lera doesn't...so I mentioned that we would drop Rita off at 9 and pick her up at 5 and Lera and I would go find something to do.  Rita quickly said she wanted to go hang out with us!  It took a little pursuading to get her to agree to Vet Camp again.  I really see this as a great opportunity for Rita to have a role model who is achieving what she wants to do...be a Vet.  The Vet students are the camp counselors and the professors teach the sessions.  It will give her an opportunity to see if this is something she would really like to do, and if so, hopefully give her motivation to improve her school work.  Rita is extremely bright, but I think right now, she is lacking motivation, or vision, or confidence.  ??? 
We have had some wonderful conversations this weekend.  Rita is sick again and now running fever in addition to the stuffy nose.  I had sent a bottle of Robitussin back to Latvia with her after their FM asked if I could send some medicine that actually works.  They used to be able to buy 'Toclase' and she said it worked great; then, they took it off the shelf and all they have now are sugary syrups that don't work for cough or cold symptoms.  She said she doubted the Robitussin would help, but she also has the same cold that Rita has, and after using Robitussin, she said she needed to apologize and asked if I could bring more when we come!  I told Rita she needed to take some medicine, but she said it wouldn't work on her.  I told her it would stop the runny nose that is draining down her throat, into her lungs and stomach, and making her sicker.  She laughed and said I should be a doctor!  Lera got the Robitussin and Rita took it!  Hopefully she will get a good nights sleep. I guess she will miss another day of school tomorrow.  Her attendance has been really bad since returning to Latvia.  I don't know what to do about that...
They are now consistantly calling me mommy!  It is very sweet to hear and read.  This is a huge step that they have taken.  Lera also has requested a tutor for her English!!!!!  Soooo HUGE!!!!  Maybe by the time we get there, she will be willing to speak to us?  That would be so awesome!  I can't wait to have a real conversation with this child and see what is really in her heart!  Her eyes are the windows to her soul, but out of her mouth her heart will flow.  Can't wait! 
A fellow NHFC family has been very heavy on my heart this weekend.  They are in the process of adopting the two little gypsy girls we had initiated a referral for, but we withdrew after discussing them with some previous host families.  I knew they were beyond what I could manage, but my heart was so enamoured by them and I felt very led to continue praying for them.  I was so excited when I met the family that was hosting them this summer and again to find they were adopting them.  Now, while on their 1st trip to Latvia, the adoption has fallen through because of deception and confusion.  My heart breaks for the family and for the girls as they give up their chance of breaking free from this orphan spirit and coming into the spirit of adoption..  This is the fear I think every family and every child faces while in this process....will they back out?  Will they forget us?  Will they leave us too?  Not only are these emotions experienced by the child, but these are thoughts that are always in the back of my mind.  I'm thankful that Rita and Lera have pledged their committment to 'agree to endure' each other.  But I know it only takes one misconception, one person whispering lies in their ears, one deceiving spirit, and it can all fall apart.  I never thought in my wildest dreams that Emily would have said 'no'!  But, she did.  We almost punted this whole adoption thing, but I didn't want Emily to give up, and realized I couldn't give up either... And that led us to Rita, who led us to Lera!  And now we have an ever growing family tree with branches in Georgia, Virginia, New York, and Latvia...with every family who has loved these girls!  But, I won't feel secure until trip 2 is complete, knowing those concerns can turn into reality.  My heart hurts for you, Tabby! 
I wonder what the week of Feb 5th will hold for us?  Will we get word that the Fletchers' Dossier has been received in the Children's Ministry?  Will we get our referral this week?  Those are the next two steps... All of the families who got their referrals in January have now received their travel dates for late Feb- mid March.  Come on....we are ready for the gate to open so we can RUN!  We're tired of chomping at the bit!

Updates abound...but it's all good!

How does that song go..."you put your left foot in, you take your left foot out; you put your left foot in, and you shake it all about; you do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around.  That's what it's all about!"  Well, one thing...I'm learning to take 'news from Latvia' with a little less fretting and a lot more action!  So, last week, Kelly realized our Homestudy expires Feb 21!  So what does that mean?  A quick call to New Beginnings in Tupelo answered that question:  updated medicals, updated fingerprints, updated background check, updated police checks, updated child abuse registry, updated vet records, updated W-2's, letters of employment, DL, SS, Doctor letter...and $740 fee.  Hmmmmm.  Ok, so I hit the ground running Thursday and Friday. I filled out all of the forms that I could to give permission for all of these agencies to investigate us again, got our son to sign his when he got home from college this weekend, and mailed those off Monday.  Called and made appointments with our doctors to get a TB test, HIV and RPR bloodwork.  Called the vet and got vaccination records.  Emailed copies of our SS & DL's to NB.  Completed Michaels medical on Wednesday.  Mark and I go get our bloodwork and TB updated Friday morning, then drive to Raymond, pick up Michael when he gets out of class, and then to an FBI center in Flowood to get fingerprinted at 3:00.  Supposedly we should have results done first of next week.  We will have a visit from Olevia, our awesome social worker, at some point in this process (Gee, add cleaning the house in there somewhere!!!!!).  But, it's all good.  Almost done...just waiting...yep, just waiting...again. 
I've been skyping with the girls quite a bit.  They are really in a funky mood.  They are fighting constantly now and Rita says she cries all the time.  She's sick with this sinus stuff again and can't breathe.  She does not want to go to school anymore.  Her grades have plummetted and she thinks that's ok because she won't need any of those courses when she gets here!  I've tried to tell her she will...she's not hearing me.  I asked if she felt that she was in an 'in between place' in her life right now... one foot in Latvia, one foot in America?  She said maybe.  I know this has got to be hard on these kids.  I know how hard it is for me to concentrate on work right now.  I'm ready to be there, but can't be yet.  You feel like a race horse at the gate, just waiting for the bar to lift so you can run as fast as you can...very frustrating because the bar seems stuck closed; but you have to stay on high alert, or when it does finally open, you will get left in everyone else's dust!  But, it's all good...  I know, or at least I hope, I'm learning something in this phase! 
I have listened to Rita's song so many times.  It's haunting.  Beautiful.  Raw.  Telling.  Sometimes I listen and it's just sad.  Other times, I feel tears whelling up inside, not because of saddnes, but out of love.  Rita told me today she was so upset because of all of the people who are dying in Eastern Europe and Russia due to this massive cold.  The high in Liepaja today was like 2 degrees F, and it's been like this for almost a week.  Other areas of Russia and Ukraine are seeing temperatures dip into the -10's.  I wonder where God will use this child...She says she wants to be a vet (and I'm getting her and Lera enrolled in Vet Camp this summer at MSU!), but I so can see her doing so much more...well, I know God will direct her path in this.  My job is to encourage her to be everything she can possibly be and listen to HIS voice.  'For I know the plans I have for you, saith the LORD'! 
So, are you wondering why I'm not mentioninig Lera much?  Remember, Rita and Lera are fighting...I haven't been able to really 'talk' to Lera 'through Rita' for a little while.  I have emailed her and I tried to skype with her this morning, but that didn't work.  I'm trying to let her know I love her very much and I haven't forgotten her.  She really is a sweet girl.  I see so much potential for her here.  I just pray God will help her understand the power her words have to inflict pain.  Blessings or cursings...I pray one day she can speak blessings freely.  I'm praying for wisdom here!  I need to do a scripture search on 'tongue'- wow!  Lot's in Psalm and Proverbs, of course!  Hmmm...wonder if Mark can do a few lessons on 'the power of the tongue'!  Oh, Honey!....
Well, the girls should be waking up now to get ready for school.  Time for me to call it a night!  It's all good...

There is Power, Power, Wonderworking Power!

It started January 22 with a skype message from Rita... the Psychologist that the court said they were waiting on told Rita she was not scheduled to talk to the girls...or was it that Liepaja was waiting on Daina to get our documents through translation...which didnt' make sense because our dossiers were stamped Oct 24th as being received in the Orphan Court!  So, frantically, Jan 23rd, I emailed Kelly to see what in the world was going on and why no one seemed to know where our dossiers actually were.  Then, before I could go to sleep that night, I had to bring this before the Lord.  For he knows where every hidden thing is located; He knows the number of hairs on our head...surely He knew the location of our dossiers.  So I posted a request for my birthday... we needed prayer.  Prayer that our dossier would be brought to light; prayer that a sense of urgency would be in the heart of those in charge of our process; prayer that any hindering or delaying spirit would cease to operate against our plans and purpose.  And response after response come back..."praying".  The fear that was in my heart ceased.  Peaceful sleep came. 
January 24th was my 47th birthday... I was waiting for my annual Asbestos course to start when I got a skype message from Rita and Lera.  They had done those little computer drawings utilizing all of the special characters.  They drew rabbits, birthday cakes, chicks, hearts, and three little words that broke my heart...Happy Birthday Momy!  That was the first time they had used that name.  Broken ice.  Mending hearts.  Trust building.  Love!  Then, that evening, my son sent me a special birthday present.  During Christmas, he recorded Rita singing and playing a song she wrote.  They had spent several sessions laying down tracks for her song.  This is a very special song because she wrote it following the death of her Mom this summer while she was hosting with us.  This song is definitely from her heart and is beautifully performed.  She gave me permission to share it with my friends and even to post it to Facebook.  It has touched my heart to hear her feelings, to hear how she is processing this time in her life, her hope for the future.  I can't wait to hear many more of her songs.
I closed out my birthday but my gifts had not all been received.  I went to work Jan 25th and was trying to focus on getting things completed for the month.  I had to take a trip to one of our remote plants and when I returned to my office, I checked my email...There was an email from Kelly saying Daina expected that Ksenija and Valerija would be separated next week.  The court was waiting on the Fletchers' dossier to be translated, received and verified by the Childrens' Ministry to ensure they were planning to adopt Ksenija before they would release Valerija to be adopted by us!!!!  And yes, we are expecting that to be complete this coming week!  So we seriously could get our referral soon.  What I was so amazed at was that the prayer was answered so quickly. The dossier, the urgency to get back with us, the update on our status;  all answers to a request prayed to the Father, through the Son, in unity by His children, for His children.  Thank you, Jesus! 
So now we wait again, but this time with peace, knowing we are on course, and there will soon be an expected end to this journey to become a whole, complete family.  I couldn't have asked for a better birthday present!

Here is a link to Rita's song...   http://dl.dropbox.com/u/58840932/Rita_song4.mp3

Rain makers

Overwhelmed...why do I feel overwhelmed today?  Nothing has really changed except the delay has been confirmed with no idea of when a decision will be made.  We get to skype with the girls tomorrow to see how they are doing.  They have been angry with each other to the point Rita is doubting her request for becoming Lera's sister.  This is not good when they all have to be interviewed for the court before separation can be achieved between Lera and Ksenija.  Not good!  I'll see how things are going there in the morning!!! 

Twenty seven days...

Where did the time go?  Didn't we pick them up yesterday?  I think this is the quickest hosting we've ever done.  Dec 11 to Jan 7.  Twenty seven days of getting to know them, of bonding, of hugging, of encouraging, of laughing, of listening, of loving. 

Right now, it all seems a blur.  There were countless late nights with my little night owls.  Sleeping until noon, shopping for presents, decorating the house.  Getting to know their personalities, both individually and as sisters.  Rita's responsibility and patience.  Lera's stubborness and sense of humor.  Together, they compliment each other and yet drive each other crazy!  Their fighting, which we imagined as yelling and hitting, turns out to be a few hurtful words, pouting, then silence.  I have never raised girls, never had a sister, never spent much time around other girls...this is a new experience for me!  But, just like with Michael, God gives me the ability to speak and somewhat diffuse the situation, change attitudes, or maybe they just do it on their own.  I know the He is working in their hearts, and in mine.  Before long, we are laughing together again...
Christmas was a flurry of activity.  Our Christmas traditions consist of Christmas Day with my family, followed by a few days with Marks family gathering in Vicksburg.  In the past few years, we've added quite a few family members to our gathering.  Cindy has reunited with the family, bringing Desiree, Donovan, Gus and Jesse; and this year, we were able to meet Tysa.  Hailey has joined us this year, adding the sweetness of a baby girl to our midst.  And we also connected with Cheryls daughter Kathy!  Seems like this family has been able to overcome obstacles that have kept us separated in the past.  We also celebrated Judy's 70th birthday!  In her battle to live, she has persevered to see this day!  What a special day to have almost all of her children and grandchildren by her side!  Why this year?  What has broken in the spirit rhelm that has allowed us to come together?  What does 2012 hold in store for our family?  Is this the year of RESTORATION of all that was lost?  Hope deferred becoming sight?...for us all!
In the midst of the hustle and bustle, I saw the girls connecting with several family members, and very important to me, saw my Dad trying to connect to his new granddaughters!  It will take time for them to feel comfortable, to trust; but we have time!
One thing I'm glad we were able to accomplish was getting Rita to record one of her songs with Michael.  We started the process last summer, but ran out of time.  And, Michael hasn't finished mixing it down, so I still haven't heard it in its final form, but it's recorded.  She shared that this was a song written about her mom.  I have a feeling I will listen to it over and over again to try to understand the relationship they had, yet didn't have; maybe get an insight into what she dreams of; what a Mom should be to her. 
Departure day came way too quick.  We made the 7 hour jouney to Atlanta to put our girls on a plane to New York.  In 48 hours, we probably only slept 6 hours, besides the cat naps in the car.  Departure day was supposed to start at 5 am so we could enjoy a leisurely breakfast at the hotel then a stop by Starbucks for a milkshake...however, my alarm did not go off on my phone and we just about missed our departure from Atlanta...well, at least getting to security on time.  So, we jumped into high gear and got the girls up and dressed in a record 15 minutes.  A 15 minute drive to the airport got us there with about 20 minutes left to check in and visit a little before they had to leave for security.  Not what I wanted, but maybe for the best.  They did not want to go, and maybe a prolonged goodby, or better yet, so long, would have made it harder.  This time, we each got a wonderful hug from Rita.  And our little Lera!  As they rode down the escalator, a piece of my heart went with them.  But knowing they will soon come back to us does help ease this absence a little.  There is a lot to do and hopefully, not a lot of time to do it in!!!  Till we see you in Latvia!  God's speed my girls.

Are we having fun yet?

We picked up the girls in Atlanta on Dec 11 at 10pm.  It was a great reunion with Rita and I was able to give Lera that hug that I should have given her last August!  We spent the night in Atlanta and then headed to Starkville on Monday to meet with Marks professor.  The girls surprised me with how well they got along...I guess I was expecting more fussing.  But I began to see in the girls what I suspected- they bring out each others strengths.  Rita's english is amazing in verbal communication as well as very good written skills.  Rita speaks Latvian, Russian, some Italian, and English.  Lera speaks Russian, a little Latvian, and completely understands English but refuses to speak it!  Rita is Lera's translator.  I just sit amazed when they talk together.  I see so much more of Rita's personality now; her silly, funny side, her serious side, her moodiness, but mainly her laughter.  I've heard many things about Lera from her previous host families and most of it was very good, and seems to be accurate (including her stubborness!).  We enjoyed our time in Starkville walking around campus, watching the squirrels, going to Bulldog Lanes to shoot pool.  We met with Cathy, my best friend from college days, and saw her two girls.  It was great to reconnect, but sort of eye-opening when we realized it had been nearly 25 years since we spent afternoons at the Entomology Department taking care of the moth cultures and sneaking off to TCBY for a vanilla and coke float!  Oh, those were good days!  I dont' feel this old!
So, Tuesday Mark headed to campus to meet his professor and the girls and I made our way to the breakfast buffet for fresh waffles and fruit.  After some good news from Marks professor, we left Starkville and headed to Vicksburg.  We stopped in Bovina to pick up Bella, and then drove home to introduce Lera to her new home. 
One of the first things Lera did was head to her bedroom that she shares with Rita, climb on her bed and smile.  I have so enjoyed watching her relax here, a first hug initiated by her, a smile, a laugh, and then the pranks and tickles.  Over this past week she has even felt comfortable enough to stay at home alone with Mark.  They spend time working math and physics problems.  Mark writes out Algebra problems and she works them.  Then Geometry, and she works them; then calculus and she just looks at him and laughs!  Great thing is math transends all languages!  He showed her physics problems dealing with fulcrums and stresses, and friction, and she was able to work them...  Her spatial understanding is excellent.  Of course, Mark already has her entering Engineering at Miss State!  (ok, maybe I do too!).
Rita has reacclimated really well.  She amazes me with her patience and caring for Lera.  She loves to be busy with any kind of work, be it raking leaves, vaccuming, washing the car, or bathing Max.  She is so responsible, so caring, yet she loves to have fun and laugh.  My heart simply overflows with compassion and love for this girl!  Ok, I have dreams and visions for her also...Vet, Social Worker...something helping those in need!  I know God has placed so much inside this 15 year old girl and he has her on a path to be used in His Kingdom.  I just can't wait to see exactly what that will be!
I have loved getting to know these girls this past week.  From watching the first taste of shrimp and crab legs, to watching them make 'gogo', to listening to their whispers in Russian, and hearing the music that God has placed in their hearts.  I look at them and just think, these are my girls; can this really be?  Everything seems so right; not at all stressed...except for when Rita asked if we had paid everything for the adoption, and if we could get our money back...ouch!  I told her no, we couldn't get it back and asked if she still wanted to come live with us.  She said yes.  Only thing we can figure is she had skyped with her foster family that morning and she was homesick.  She really loves them, and it seems that she helps them out an awful lot with babysitting.  I know she misses them so much.  She did say that this would be a huge change and would be hard;  I asked if she realized her life was going to be different whether she stayed in Latvia or moved here; she said yes.  We told her to listen to what God was speaking in her heart.  She seems happy now.  Lera seems happy.  Mark seems happy; Michael seems happy; I'm happy!  So we wait to see where we go from here...and when... and where... why is all we know, and sometimes we even ask why!  But in our heart of hearts, we know why!